Lots of Legos!

Catching up on some photos I took in January....
Gary and the boys have enjoyed playing with the new Legos that arrived for Christmas.

It's a squirrel!

Lots of FUN with Legos!

Baking Up Treats

Just a few of many photos taken when the boys help bake banana bread...

...carrot cookies...

...peanut butter, oatmeal, chocolate chip cookies...

and more.
Sweet treats with our sweet little guys.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Since Gary is away during most of February (covering the Olympics in Vancouver, B.C.), the boys and I had to plan ahead for Valentine's Day. We packed a framed 5x7 version of this photo in his suitcase, along with some cards and dark chocolate.

I sent this photo to my sweetheart via email -
a wonderful memory of our weekend away in NYC last fall.

And these are my little Valentines, almost always by my side.

How I treasure these precious days with them while they're young.

They are growing so quickly....

So much LOVE!

Happy Valentine's Day to each of you reading this....

Life Goes On....

It's important to remember that even when we're grieving, life goes on. This blog will return to a more joyful and uplifting place, I promise. Already we are finding much joy and comfort in everyday life.

Just today, my sister Melissa, the boys, and I enjoyed a day out and about.
Gordon and Grayson have been amazing reminders of how blessed we are. Their hugs and smiles are incredibly healing for a broken heart. Just look at those sweet faces.

Today was the day I was scheduled for my ultrasound where we were to learn our baby's gender, a special day we were so looking forward to.... Little reminders like this keep popping up, moments when I'm jarred by the reality that our baby boy is gone. But it's also true that each day is getting easier, overall. Gabriel has touched my heart in a way that's changed me, and changed my life.

After lunch today, we drove to the cemetery where Gabriel is buried. St. Luke's provides a special memorial garden for miscarried babies. What a precious place.

This memorial garden will be even more beautiful when the grass is green, the roses are in bloom, and the nearby trees have leaves. I was happy to see the lovely view of snow-covered mountains in the distance from where I stood today.

Gordon asked auntie Lassa to help him get flowers for me this afternoon; such a sweetheart. How fortunate we have been to have Melissa here these past several weeks. She has been an absolute blessing, taking care of all of us during this difficult time.

Again, I cannot thank our loved ones enough for all the prayers and encouragement being sent our way. We continue to lean on our faith and the promise of eternity in Heaven. A friend reminded me today what the name Gabriel means: "God is my strength."

Remembering Gabriel

"Seek the Lord and His strength, seek His presence continually." ~Psalm 105:4

This verse means so much to me, especially after this past week. Our faith, family, and friends are helping us through this sad time. We can feel God's presence, His loving arms holding us as we adjust to life without our sweet Gabriel. Thank you for all the prayers; they mean so much to us.

I wanted to share a few of the things we have to remember baby Gabriel. We were given precious time to hold our baby and say good-bye. He was gently bathed and clothed in a little bunting, then wrapped in a handmade baby blanket.

This priceless card was given to us by the nurses, after they made prints of Gabriel's beautiful hands and feet.

Gordon, Grayson, and Gabriel's footprints

How I long to hold these little hands again....

So tiny, so perfect

We have not yet gotten back the photos taken by a volunteer professional photographer, provided to us by an amazing foundation called Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep: http://http//www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

The service they provide to grieving parents is priceless.

Once we receive the photos, I will share them here.

These are photos taken by the nurses. I edited them to focus on Gabriel's perfect feet, hands and face.

I wanted to share images of our beautiful baby Gabriel; we love him so much and wish we'd had the chance to see him grow up. These photos have helped me through some of the toughest moments in the past week. The hardest time for me is after the distractions of the day are gone, and all is quiet at night. I find comfort in being alone with Gabriel's memory, holding his blanket, and looking at his photos and tiny hand and footprints.

Gabriel was clearly starting to resemble his older brothers. I thank God for the time Gary and I had to hold him and say good-bye.

I will always love this sweet baby of ours. He will forever be a special part of our family. We are so blessed to have Gordon and Grayson in our lives ~ their hugs and smiles are incredibly healing.

Gary took beautiful photos too. This is one of his, above.

Our baby boy was perfectly designed by God, perfectly healthy. You may be wondering what happened, why did our baby die in the 4th month of pregnancy. On December 31, I was diagnosed with a subchorionic hemorrhage, a small blood clot in my blood vessels supplying blood to the placenta. We were encouraged to learn this is not uncommon, rarely does it result in miscarriage. Unfortunately, the bleeding and clotting got worse in our case. The clots became so large that they gradually separated the placenta from the uterine wall, cutting off Gabriel's supply of oxygen and nutrition. Our doctor assured us that he didn't suffer, just fell asleep and slipped away. I'm so disappointed that my body failed to support this precious life inside me, though I know there was nothing anyone could do. It's just so heartbreaking that he was growing and developing so perfectly healthy. I feel so empty now, but each day I feel stronger, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. All of this in in God's hands, and He is my comfort. He is cradling our baby Gabriel, and we'll see him again in Heaven.

Missing Baby Gabriel

The new playlist you hear is in memory of our baby boy, Gabriel Lee, who we lost to miscarriage a week ago today. We were in our 4th month of pregnancy, so smitten with this little life, already a dear part of our family. I will be posting more about him soon.

We are so comforted by our faith, family, and friends during this heartbreaking time, and are especially happy to know that we'll see our precious boy again in Heaven someday.... He is being cuddled and lullabyed by his great-grandparents and God Himself, playing with a sibling we lost five years ago, also to miscarriage. He is so loved. Thank you to all who have been holding us up in prayer ~ we are forever grateful, and can feel God's loving embrace as we adjust to life without Gabriel.

Christmas Eve

Our Christmas was filled with blessings!

Mom, Dad, and Melissa arrived safely from their travels -- Mom and Dad drove all the way from Minnesota. They left on Tuesday evening, a day earlier than planned, in order to beat the winter storm heading through the midwest. Melissa drove from southern California ~ she moved to Boise! (More exciting details on her transition to Idaho will be posted soon). Joey arrived Christmas Eve also, from only a few miles away.

We enjoyed a spaghetti dinner on Christmas Eve.

Then the boys had baths and got ready for bed.

Before bedtime stories, prayers, and tooth brushing, Gary showed the boys Santa's progress on the computer -- Santa Tracker.

After the boys were tucked in, the rest of us wrapped some gifts and visited.

Grammy & Papa brought these beautiful Amish chairs for the boys.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care....

A few of us stayed up and played some Wii baseball and golf.

Then we all cuddled in for a long winter's nap.....